December 24, 2009

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I’m not that girl:

Don’t dream too far
Don’t lose sight of who you are
Don’t remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I’m not that girl

Ev’ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn’t soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who’s winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That’s the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I’m not that girl:

Don’t wish, don’t start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn’t born for the rose and the pearl
There’s a girl I know
He loves her so
I’m not that girl

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so my “life plans” may have completely changed. i might actually be staying in ohio!!! this makes me very happy. i am going to try to get a job like allyah’s, with OSU Medical Center, and work and go to OSU. elizabeth and i are seriously considering renting her parents’ apartment. this seems so all-of-the-sudden! crazy. i am really, really excited about the possibility. i LOVE ohio, and would love to stay here. i haven’t felt peace about the whole virginia situation all year, and i feel really excited about this possibility of the plan. now to pray about it. 🙂

training is like… halfway done! crazy. the kiddos are on practicum, and i miss them! it’s been really, really nice to have alone time, though, and time to just… get stuff done! 🙂 cleaning out fridges, organizing, etc.

still struggling with the feelings… but it’s not so much of a “struggle” now. more of just something that’s just there. this is the first time in a long time i think there might actually be something there… maybe, just maybe. i can’t find out for… a long time, though. ah, well. we’ll see.

church was really good this morning. i was convicted to confront things rather than talk about them to other people, and that i live in community, so why am i trying to do life on my own, and failing?

September 16, 2009

it is mid-september. SEPTEMBER! where the heck has this year gone!? soon i will be done at the SEND house, and that is crazy to me! we are in week three of training. the past week and a half have gone by really quickly… the first week felt like it was a month.

training is going well. tonight i am frustrated because i feel like i am the only staff enforcing rules. i really don’t want the REACHers to start testing boundaries and finding out they can get away with stuff because it could get out of control really quickly. some of my fellow staff apparently could care less about this. i am annoyed.

but yeah, it’s going pretty well. there are definitely people i feel more comfortable with than others, but that’s ok. i have had to confront some things, which i feel like is good for me, and it’s gone fine.

it’s hard to figure out where to draw the line in our relationships with the REACHers. how much is being too much of a friend? awkwardly i have been struggling with the whole flirting/touchyness situation, which is something i didn’t really expect to struggle with. awkward. yesterday andrew and i had a mano-a-mano about the situation.

have i mentioned that i really appreciate andrew? he’s great.

ah, there’s so much to talk about that i don’t even want to start. kayla has been gone for almost two weeks. weird. i think we have learned a new normal. i am struggling with random feelings for someone. awkward. very awkward.

new favorite song: “smile” by uncle kracker

April 23, 2009

Your Type is
INFJ

Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
78 12 12 67

You are:

  • very expressed introvert
  • slightly expressed intuitive personality
  • slightly expressed feeling personality
  • distinctively expressed judging personality

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people’s feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another’s emotions or intentions – good or evil – even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others’ feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor’s remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists — INFJs gravitate toward such a role — are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of ‘poetic justice’ is appealing to the INFJ.

“There’s something rotten in Denmark.” Accurately suspicious about others’ motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition

Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and “live in the here and now” of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking

The INFJ’s thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ’s thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing

INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ’s arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the “SP wannabe” side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it’s not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

worth it all

February 9, 2009

I don’t understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I’m not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I’m desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it all
I believe this

January 19, 2009

ugh… i’m feeling so much right now. i’m dreading leaving, i’m so dreading saying goodbye. it’s times like this that just don’t seem fair. i know i’m not the only one, but it seems like just a few of us are in this boat. i feel like i’m always saying goodbye’s. they don’t get any easier as time goes by, or the more goodbyes i say. i know it’s made me stronger (deep down, i know this), but i feel so weak. i hate always having to miss my family, i hate that the time i spend with them just makes it harder to say goodbye. i hate that it’s easier to just stay away than remember how much fuller my life is with my family in it. i hate that i have to choose- i can’t just have it all- my family and my life, together. i wish so much my family would move to the States. i hate that every time i see them is tinged with knowing that it’ll all be over soon, that i’ll have to leave again soon and not see them for a long time.

January 19, 2009

today was a wierd day. i have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now. we/i decorated the house all christmasy today. i love how i always get so stressed out about that whole situation. i think that in that respect, i am somewhat of a perfectionist. i also got really mad at cris i think twice today. and i had a fight with mom, and samuel was going to break up with abbey, but she wasn’t online and by the time he got back from the buzbee’s christmas party, she had gone to bed. awkward sticky situation, let me tell you. it makes me never want to be in a relationship, just to avoid the awkwardness of breaking up. now he probably is going to have to wait until she gets back from her cruise, which will be the 21st, like two seconds before christmas, and that’s always awkward/not a good situation. i really want to get a new computer, but i’m not sure if i want to shell out the money for it right now. i definitely need to get a camera, that’s for sure. i have no idea what to say that i want for christmas. tomorrow, i’m making taco salad for lunch, andt hen we’re having luis and graciela and co. over for dinner. that should be interesting.

saturday, november 8th

January 19, 2009

today was good. i slept in until 11 after going to bed at 3:30 and not falling asleep until at least 4. then i got up and made beef stroganoff for lunch. around three, mom took cris and i for our little “cris and wendy extravaganza”. we went to huembes, and didn’t find anything. then we went to centro comercial, where i got a foot scrub thingy, ponytail holders, and an eyebrow shaper thing.  then we went to metrocentro, where we looked at TV prices because ours just died. we also shopped but i didn’t find anything… cris got a few things. then we had dinner. i had a plato surtido from dona haydee’s and cris had mcdonalds. then we talked in the food court until our movie started. we saw “taken”, which was good, but sad and slightly scary. then we waited outside until dad came and picked us up. cris and i (more me) kind of went on a “fix up the house” rampage when we got home. we plan to continue tomorrow- we’ll see how that goes. tomorrow is no church because it’s voting day. the four of us are going to go- cris, dad, samuel and i. oh yeah, i forgot to mention that the reason i was up so late last night was that samuel and i were having a little “heart to heart”. i love that kid. my siblings are amazing. anyway, wally and i had a long chat today. i don’t feel like writing about it now, though, cause my hand hurts.

thursday, november 6

January 19, 2009

today was cris’ pageant, and she did so well! she got third place and miss congeniality. i was so proud of her- she looked gorgeous, spoke well, walked well, etc. i felt like a little mom or something- bursting with pride. anyway, it was really fun. ehh… i don’t know why i try to journal. i feel like i’ve outgrown it or something… awkward.

November 19, 2008

If I am pressed to say why I loved him, I feel it can only be explained by replying: “Because it was he; because it was me.” -Montaigne

i just had to tell one of my good friends that the girl he’s liked for the past like… 2 years… doesn’t feel the same way and doesn’t ever see it happening. i was so freaked out and feeling bad about it, but he’s taking it really well. so i’m really glad about that.