January 19, 2009

ugh… i’m feeling so much right now. i’m dreading leaving, i’m so dreading saying goodbye. it’s times like this that just don’t seem fair. i know i’m not the only one, but it seems like just a few of us are in this boat. i feel like i’m always saying goodbye’s. they don’t get any easier as time goes by, or the more goodbyes i say. i know it’s made me stronger (deep down, i know this), but i feel so weak. i hate always having to miss my family, i hate that the time i spend with them just makes it harder to say goodbye. i hate that it’s easier to just stay away than remember how much fuller my life is with my family in it. i hate that i have to choose- i can’t just have it all- my family and my life, together. i wish so much my family would move to the States. i hate that every time i see them is tinged with knowing that it’ll all be over soon, that i’ll have to leave again soon and not see them for a long time.

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