July 9, 2008

i’m not sure that i should be writing on here because i might make myself cry more than i already am.

i’m struggling. a lot. i don’t want to be here at all right now. i miss my family so much and i’m just so sick of being away from them all the time, and constantly having to say sad goodbyes.

i’m sad a lot lately and it scares me.  i cry a lot and i hate that. i know i’m not in any way entitled to be happy all the time, but it’s so hard right now. i wish i was happier. during re-entry, carmal talked about learning to live at a lower level of happiness, or something like that, and i think i understand now.

i don’t want to be here, and it doesn’t help that elizabeth and i are having to live with wonnie right now. wonnie is fine, but we can tell she’s not really having other people invading “her space”. it’s really cramped in here and even more so because wonnie’s stuff is everywhere. she has TWO big closets to herself, while elizabeth and i each have like one tiny closet, two of them make up a regular size-closet. so it’s like we’re sharing one. in the bathroom, elizabeth and i share half a shelf, because the towels are on the other half, and she has the top shelf packed full of her stuff. we MIGHT be moving in two-three weeks but i’m not sure that will happen. Jesus, please let it happen!

i should go call the Home now and tell them that i’ll be down there for lunch, and then shower and get ready to go down for lunch. i’ll be back later.